I was wrapped in very peaceful slumber when an irritating voice rang through like a gong going off. "Come on, wake up! We've got robbing to do!" I didn't have any time to even start to wake up on my own as I was suddenly blanketed in freezing cold water.
I immediately shot up and glared at my twin. "What the fuck, Shifty?!" Looking outside, I found that it was the middle of the night, not long after returning to life. This was not uncommon; daylight heists are much riskier than moonlight.
"Oh good, you're awake," Shifty said, throwing the bucket behind him. "Well, come on." He grabbed the keys to the van. "You don't want to starve do you?"
My stomach growled, reminding me of how right he was. We hadn't eaten in days and theft was our only source of income. I might go into why later… I hate theft but it seems Shifty couldn't get enough of it. "Fine, where are we robbing today?"
"I figured it was just about time to pull one on that porcupine chick," he said with a very casual tone as we headed down from ramshackle apartment. There was no elevator so we always had to go down the stairwell. It was especially annoying when carrying safes or other heavy items.
Wait a second… "Flaky? No, not Flaky." I protested but kept following him down the stairs. "She has like a billion locks on all the doors and the windows are plastic. Not to mention her paranoia. She must be an impossibly light sleeper."
"What? You scared?" He asked tauntingly. "I'm not. We're professional thieves. We've been doing this for longer than either of us could remember. You can pick a lock in mere seconds. So no, I'm not afraid. Of Splendid maybe but not Flaky. You can't tell me you're not curious what she's hiding in there besides herself."
I had to admit. He was right. I was curious but the unknown was more dangerous than the known and she might not even have anything of value that would be worth the difficulty. Well, I was fooling myself to think I had an actual choice in the matter. I know I never had a real choice in anything. "Alright, we'll rob Flaky but I'm blaming you if this fails."
"And I'm blaming you if it fails," Shifty said as if it was part of some great secret practice. Which, it seemed it was to him. "It's what we do."
"But let me guess, if this succeeds, it was all because of you?" I asked in a playful manner. Completely knowing that's how it always works. "Just do me a favor and don't leave me for dead this time."
Shifty shrugged, taking his terrible habit as loosely as he always has, no matter how much I hated it. "Oh, quit whining. I always apologize the next day and it's not like you don't come back."
"Still, it would be nice if you showed a bit of care for your brother instead of only caring about the loot. It's not like you don't always end up dying, too and losing the loot," I reminded with a low growl. His priorities when things went wrong, which was all the time, were the worst thing about Shifty and that was saying a lot. There are many things to hate about him.
"That's not my fault; it's the curse's." Shifty shrugged, acting as if that made it all okay. Which it obviously didn't. "I'm not going to argue about this. We both agreed a long time ago that the worst way to die is starvation. I can't risk losing our loot over such a temporary life."
"I would never abandon you, Shifty. No matter how bad things have gotten, I always made sure you made it out or I didn't." We arrived at the bottom floor without another word from Shifty. "I don't see why you can't do the same for me." There still was no response from him. "Well, answer me."
"I said I wasn't gonna argue about this." Shifty stated, in a matter-of-factory tone as we headed out to the van. "But if you really want me to, then fine, that just makes you an idiot."
"Wanting a response makes me an idiot?"
"No, always making sure that I make it out instead of focusing on getting the loot and trying to get at least one of us out."
"So, that's the thanks I get for trying to save your life?"
"That's the thanks I get for trying to keep us fed?" He shot back, turned back and glaring at me while walking backwards when I should really be the one glaring at him. In fact, I was. "Look, I only have our best interests at heart."
"I doubt you seem to only do it to be greedy." I said, trying to drill into him with my gaze just as he was me.
"Well, I'm not. I just don't want to starve to death again and I know you don't either. Now, can we just drop this?"
I sighed. Only getting frustrated with his 'logic' but I knew I wasn't going to get anywhere in this argument. Shifty was more stubborn than anyone else I had seen. As we got into the van, I caved. "Fine, I'll drop this but I'm still right."
"Whatever." Shifty rolled his eyes, starting the van. "Now, where's Flaky's house?"
"I thought you knew." I looked at him trying to find out if he was being serious, which he seemed to be. "You mean to tell me you planned on robbing a place that you don't even know where it is."
"It was not my job. We never robbed her before. It didn't seem fair. I figured you knew. You know where everyone else lives."
"But I…" I hesitated but admitted, not wanting to waste much more time before morning. "Yes, I know where Flaky lives but then I'm driving. I'm not going to lead you all the way there."
"No way, I always drive!"
"I drive or we're not robbing Flaky." I said, getting as stubborn as he always is. I hoped I could win this time and I surprisingly did as he growled and got out of the car heading around so I did the same, getting into the driver's seat.
"Just don't get to comfortable with this," he said, leaning back in the seat and draping his fedora over his eyes, clearly planning on taking a nap on the way over to her house and I wished I had some water to give him a taste of his own medicine.
"Oh no, that does not mean that you get to take a nap. It's your fault that we're awake at this time at all." I reminded as I pulled out of the apartment parking lot and headed towards Flaky's house.
"Hey, you're the one who wanted to drive." He brushed off, wearing our signature grin but I didn't like seeing it against myself.
"And you're the one who wanted to go thieve tonight. I was all for sleeping in." I reminded, flashing our grin back. "And you're probably gonna want to drive back and you can't do that if you don't know how we got there."
"Nah, you can drive on the way back, too."
I sighed and kept driving, but growled when he started snoring. It wasn't long before we arrived and I shoved him back into the door. "Come on, wake up. We've got robbing to do." I mimicked exactly what he said to me when he woke me up, wishing again that I had some water to dump on him.
"Okay, I'm up. I'm up." Shifty woke, rubbing his side from the collision with the door, but he got over it soon.
We both got out of the car and each got a sack and I got my lock pick tool. "So, once we get in, I'll clean out the kitchen while you search for valuables?" Shifty suggested.
"Sound like a plan," I agreed as I headed over to the front door and set to work on the locks. I was obviously exaggerated when I first said how much there were, but there was still a high amount.
Still, I was able to make short work of the locks and we headed in without making a peep. Shifty headed to the kitchen as we agreed on and I set to the living room, knowing that's where most people keep the most expensive stuff and found a television which I unhooked and, with some struggle, carried it out to the van.
I came back in looking for anything else, but we didn't last much longer as I suddenly heard the phone ring, followed by a voice from upstairs. "Hello? No, Cuddles, I already told you that I don't want to go to the amusement park tomorrow."
There were a few seconds of silence followed by, "Never! I don't ever want to go to the amusement park."
I snuck into the kitchen to find that Shifty had stopped loading up the food and was listening into the conversation as well. "I thought she was supposed to be asleep." I whispered harshly to Shifty.
"I think she was. Cuddles must have woken her up." He whispered back.
"Hold on, Cuddles. I think I hear someone," Flaky suddenly said and I heard footsteps coming down the stairs. Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit!
We both tried to sneak out the front door, but Flaky beat us to it. Something looked off about her. Her eyelids were really droopy and her fur was very ruffled. She was also hanging onto the banister and seemed like she would fall over if she wasn't. We both froze but she just looked confused, rubbing her eyes with her free hand. "What are you guys doing in my house?"
I wasn't sure what to say as Shifty just adjusted the bag of food he was carrying; it was pretty obvious what we were doing in her house. "What time is…" She looked over at the clock as if there was any time it would be acceptable for us to be in her house. "It's four o'clock in the morning." It was actually three… "What are you even doing awake?"
We didn't answer. I don't know why Shifty didn't, but I was just really confused why she was so confused by this. Sure, we never robbed her before, but she should at least know our reputation. "We could ask you the same thing," I said, not sure what else to say in this weird situation.
She looked to be in thought and sat down on the step. I wasn't sure what she was even thinking about, but neither of us moved to leave. This whole situation was just too interesting.
Without warning, she picked up a candle from a nearby end table and chucked it at Shifty's head. He managed to duck just in time, so close that it took off his hat. "Get out of my house!" She picked up the stand the candle was on and held it ready to throw as well. "Get out of my house or I'll scream! And I can scream really loud; it will probably attract Splendid."
Not needing to hear anymore, we ran out of the house and back to the van, hearing the stand clang against the wall on the way out. She actually threw it while we were already on our way out.
Once we were inside the van, Shifty burst out laughing. "Man, she is weird when she's drunk."
"Drunk?" I asked as Shifty threw the bag of food into the back. I tested the idea in my mind but just couldn't picture her getting drunk. "Sure, she was acting pretty crazy, but I don't think she was drunk. There must be some other explanation."
"Oh, no, I spotted an empty bottle of whiskey in the top of her recycling bin, she was definitely drunk." He said once calmed down enough to have a normal conversation. That did explain a lot, but it was still surprising to think she would drink at all, much less get as drunk as she must have been. "Come on, Lift, it's not all that surprising."
I guess that was true, we've found alcohol in almost everyone's house. I guess it was their way of coping with the dark reality of "life" in this town. Still, something about it just didn't fit well with Flaky. "You didn't take any of her alcohol did you?"
"Of course not." Shifty laughed. "That shit's addictive as hell. I'd never touch that stuff and you don't either do you?"
"No, I would never either," I agreed honestly. When we're too poor to even afford a loaf of bread, we could never afford to become addicted to any kind of substance, so we avoid everything addictive. Though, sometimes I swear Shifty's addicted to stealing. Okay… maybe I am too…
"So, did you still manage to nab anything?" Shifty asked once we pulled into the apartment parking lot.
"Yeah, I got her TV." I answered, feeling a bit proud of myself for getting that before the phone rang, but regretting what that meant. "I really wish the back of our van closed. Then we could just leave it locked down here instead of having to carry it all the way upstairs, just to carry it down in the morning."
"Well, you're the van expert." Shifty reminded, getting the bag from the back and then helping me with the TV set. "If you really want it fixed, then you're gonna have to fix it, because I can't."
"Right, because you don't even know that cars need wheels." I reminded, thinking back to the race car he built years back to win that hefty grand prize.
He sent a glare to me as we headed back upstairs with the behemoth. This is why we will never have to go to a gym; theft was more than enough of a workout every day to keep us fit.
Once we made it upstairs, we placed the TV right inside our apartment and ripped open the food sack as if we'd never see food again, which was very possible.
However, we knew we had to be careful to save what food we do get, so I only took and ate one roll and a bit of cheese, and Shifty didn't have much more than I. We stored away the food that we got and I was able to return to sleep without any more interruptions.