Board Thread:General Discussion/@comment-24693225-20150206010822/@comment-29910071-20170310032749

Diamond in the Trough

Starring: Lifty and Shifty

Featuring: Disco Bear, Cuddles, Lumpy

Appearances: Toothy, Giggles, Mime, Flaky

Lifty and Shifty had just robbed a bank and are drivin away in their van with the police in hot pursuit, Lumpy being their commander. Lumpy gives one last warning on the loudspeaker to stop, but of course, the two brothers ignore this. In retaliation, Lumpy sprays a can of Mace(or pepper spray), but unfortunately the spray doesn't get far and thanks to the wind pushing it back, the spray just gets caught in Lumpy's eyes. Lumpy, in pain, shrieks in agony and drives his patrol car blindly as he crashes into the dozens of other patrol cars, killing most, if not all the Generic Tree Officers.

At the end of the carnage, Lumpy's eyes get caught in a little ditch in between his car's window wiper, much to his horror. Unfortunately, the window wiper activates causing it to go up and pull on Lumpy's eyes. Lumpy's foot however is instead caught in a tight space, denying the window wiper from pulling Lumpy completely up. After a bit of struggle, the window wiper wins out and pulls on his eyes so hard, they pop out with the optical nerves still connected and soon the brain is pulled out from his skull.

Some time passes and Lifty and Shifty go through all the fines they received from the damage. Naturally, they go into a piggy bank for some money, but only pull out 3 pennies, a nail, and some dust. The duo is disappointed and although Shifty wishes to steal some money to pay off the debt, but Lifty grabs his attention by saying they could instead work for it legally by getting a job.

They look for a job through the newspaper, but the only job available is a farming job. Reluctantly, they take the job. The next day, they meet Disco Bear, their new employer who gives them instructions by writing severel diagrams on a blackboard. The duo are bored, so Lifty snoozes off, while Shifty goes off to steal some money from Cuddles, working on the corn field.

Shifty sneaks up to the wallet on a barrel not too far from Cuddles, but every time he reaches for it, Cuddles looks back, preventing any chance of stealth. Irritated, Shifty goes up to Cuddles and bargains for his wallet by selling him his stolen rake. Cuddles notices this before the bargain is made, so refuses. Going to Plan C, Shifty just hits Cuddles in the head with the rake, literally puncturing his head with the tines. Shifty skips off back, while Cuddles runs off, screaming.

After calming down, Cuddles tries to remove the rake. He is successful, but this only allows the blood to pour out through his head. After screaming some more, he finally falls dead from blood loss. Ironically, his blood acts like water from a sprinkler and manages to grow a couple of nearby flowers.

Liifty wakes up just as Shifty returns with Cuddle's wallet. Shifty tells of what happened and both snicker as they go through it, revealing that the wallet didn't actually have any money, disappointing both of them. They look back at Disco Bear, realizing that he's already gone through 9 whole blackboards of complex instructions. The shocked duo then try to read as much as they could, but Disco Bear erases it, effectively ending the tutorial. Still thinking they were paying attention, he sends them off.

Their first job is to fill a bucket with water from a well. However, they're are two wells, one with water and one with acid. Not knowing what to do, they decide to get "water" from the acid well. They manage to fill the bucket with acid before the bucket of the well disintegrates. Assuming their job is done, they leave. Toothy then grabs the filled bucket and begins to fill it in water bottles. Thirsty, he drinks one, only to spit it out after its bad taste. He then realizes, foam is starting to build in his mouth and his innards literally spill from his body from the acid, effectively killing him.

Next is a montage, of Lifty and Shifty failing at their jobs, such as oiling the tractor which makes the tractor fall to pieces when it's too slippery and then explode. Another montage is when Mime drops off some mail and they have to deliver it to the barn, the place where it houses the aggressive bull. They don't understand they had to put it in the other mailbox outside and instead drop it off on a black lump and walk away safely. Flaky is sent to retrieve the mail. Afraid, she finds that the mail is on the black lump and goes to retrieve it. Unfortunately, that lump was the bull which angrily attacks her in a cloud of dust. When the dust clears, it shows Flaky's mutilated corpse.

Behind all of this, Disco Bear instead of doing work, jokes around such as eating junk food, looking at himself in the mirror, and signing autographs that were sent by himself.

Lifty and Shifty check through their list until they have to go through their last job: refueling the power at the wind farm. This would be easy until the two see a bird get sliced in two from the turbine. Afraid, they travel through the farm and then reach the power box. They're supposed to reconfigure the controls, but they're are so many switches, they are boggled by this. Lifty blindly turns one of the switches slowly, but all it does is just get the power box and turbines on fire.

Worried, Shifty grabs a sagging water bottle, unplugs it, and throws it at the fire, hoping to put it out. It is revealed however, those were the bottles that they filled with acid(which explains the sagging nature) and thus not only increases the flames, but starts increasing the speed of the turbines. A fellow farmer, Giggles goes out to scope the scene, just in time for the enflamed blades to go so fast, they pop and begin racing around like a flaming wheel.

One of the blades catches hold of Giggles' bow and drags her along the farm, bringing destruction to whatever it crashes into. Giggles is eventually pulled into the blades and sliced through, slowly splattering her innards across the farm.

Lifty and Shifty hide under all this as the dozens of blades destroy farms and entire barns. Disco Bear decides to go out and see what's going on before being sliced vertically by a lone blade.

The smoke clears and the entire farm is destroyed, but fortunately, Lifty and Shifty receive their paychecks from a machine. When they open the envelopes, they only get a quarter each. Distraught, the duo look at each other pitifully, until Shifty notices Disco Bear's wallet dropped from his corpse. However instead, they decide to have a change of heart and not stal and walk away. Then the closing iris closes on the Disco Bear's wallet, only to be stolen promptly by Shifty.

Moral: People who never do mistakes are the people who never do anything.

-DinoLord00