Ski Patrol

"Ski Patrol" is an irregular episode of the Happy Tree Friends internet series.

Plot
On an old, grainy screen, Lumpy walks on and is greeted by a narrator. Lumpy accepts an offer to join the ski patrol and is given his ski patrol equipment, including gloves, goggles, skis, and a ski patrol jacket. When he puts on his backpack, however, he falls down due to its extreme weight. The narrator then explains that he will review several simple lessons that every ski patrol member should know.

Lesson 1: Ski Lift Operation

While Petunia, Flaky, and numerous Generic Tree Friends ride the ski lift, Lumpy mans the controls. The narrator warns him about hazards that can make the slopes dangerous, as Lumpy spots a stray banana peel on the ground. He bends over to pick it up, accidentally switching the lever of the ski lift controls with his backpack. This causes the ski lift to move at a very fast speed, flinging its passengers off in random directions. Petunia is decapitated on a slope and impaled by her ski sticks, while Flaky gets wedged in a section of the mountain and crushed by a snowboard. Lumpy, meanwhile throws away the banana peel, unaware of the disaster he has caused. Likewise, the narrator applauds Lumpy's efforts as though nothing has gone wrong.

Lesson 2: Administering Oxygen

Toothy lies on a slope, apparently suffering from high altitude sickness, while Lumpy places an oxygen mask over his face. The narrator begins describing the steps necessary to administer oxygen, but the instructions soon become confusing. While Lumpy struggles to follow along, too much oxygen is released at once, and Toothy swells up like a balloon. Before Lumpy can do anything, the clamp of the tank flies off and hits him in the head, knocking him out. Toothy inflates even more and begins floating away, while the oxygen tank flies off like a rocket. When Lumpy wakes up, the narrator again praises Lumpy despite the negative effects of his actions.

Lesson 3: Broken Bones

Cuddles lies on a rock at the bottom of a small cliff, apparently suffering from a broken leg. The narrator explains how to fasten a splint with sticks and rope while Lumpy demonstrates. We see an x-ray of Cuddles' leg as Lumpy fastens the splint. Unfortunately, Lumpy, taking the narrator's instructions too literally, ties the splint on too tightly, increasing Cuddles' pain. As Cuddles passes out from the pain, the narrator claims it's time for patient evacuation.

Lesson 4: Patient Evacuation

While Cuddles is strapped to a gurney, Lumpy airlifts him away in a helicopter. Though Lumpy confirms that he remembers his helicopter training, he inadvertently flies too low as he approaches a forest, causing Cuddles to fly through and hit numerous trees and branches. When he emerges from the forest, Cuddles is bloody and two badgers are latched onto his gurney. He's relieved, however, to see the ambulance, parked on a cliff below. Unfortunately, Lumpy doesn't slow down, and Cuddles is slammed into the back of the ambulance. The force knocks the ambulance off the cliff and the oxygen tank from earlier flies into it, causing the ambulance to blow up. To top it off, an avalanche is triggered and completely covers the destroyed ambulance.

Lesson 5: Chapped Lips

Lumpy is informed that not all situations are life and death, as he prepares to help Giggles with her chapped lips. The narrator begins listing the steps involved, including removing the cap, twisting to expose the lip balm, etc. Suddenly the film skips and the scene jumps to step 36, where Giggles lies on the ground with her chest torn open, blood everywhere. The narrator now seems to be teaching chest compressions. Lumpy seems surprised and confused by this sudden jump in the film and begins fumbling around with Giggles' heart. As Lumpy jams the heart back into Giggles' chest, the film skips again to step 128, which entails replacing the cap on the lip balm. Giggles seems satisfied, when suddenly she passes out and her chest bursts open, sending organs, a pair of scissors, and one of Lumpy's boots flying out of her body.

The episodes ends as Lumpy stands at the top of a tall slope, raising a ski patrol flag up a flagpole. While the narrator praises Lumpy for his work, Toothy floats on screen, still inflated from earlier. He touches and is popped by a sharp point on top of the flagpole, sending his organs down the pole while his skull rests at the top. Even though Toothy's blood covers his face, Lumpy just salutes, ready to "Save some lives!"

Transcript
{5-second countdown}

PROTECTING THE SLOPES - SKI PATROL TRAINING

PHOTOGRAPHED IN OXIDIZACHROME - COPYRIGHT MMV (Mondo Media Video)

{Opening Credits}

"So, you want to join the esteemed ranks of the Ski Patrol..."

{Lumpy nods} '''"Fantastic! Well you better be in peak condition! Now let's get you some gear!"  { Lumpy is given goggles, gloves, a suit, skiing equipment, and a large backpack which makes him fall over } "And then we'll review a few simple things you'll need to know!"'''

LESSON 1: Ski Lift Operation

''' "The ski lift area is a place where accidents commonly occur. It is the sworn duty of the Ski Patrol to keep the area clear of hazards that may endanger innocent skiers." '''

{ ''Lumpy bends to pick up a banana peel, but accidentally makes the ski lifts go faster. Numerous riders are shot into the air. Petunia hits a mountain, losing half her head and getting impaled by her ski sticks. Flaky is then crushed by her snowboard. Meanwhile, Lumpy proceeds to throw the banana peel in a garbage can'' }

''' "First rate job, cadet! You have thwarted that peice of trash's plans for ruining the fun of some unsuspecting skiers!" '''

LESSON 2: Administering Oxygen

{ Lumpy puts an oxygen mask on Toothy }

"With heights above 8,000 feet, oxygen may have to be administered to counter high altitude sickness. Here are other steps that need to be taken. STEP 1: Be sure to check the pressure gauge. STEP 2: Close the regulative flow valve with a right-angle cater clap. STEP 3: Open the tank valve slowly to a half curb beyond where the regulator becomes pressurized and there is a maximum reading on the pressure gauge."

{ ''Lumpy gives Toothy too much oxygen, making him inflate like a balloon and float away. Lumpy is knocked out when the clamp on the oxygen tank comes off and hits him. The oxygen tank begins flying around'' }

''' "STEP 4: Before step 2, add a drop of iodine to the tubing. STEP 5: See step 6. STEP 6: Ignore step 3. Now you try!"  { Lumpy wakes up } "Fantastic! Your skills are like a breath of fresh air - or in this case, oxygen!"  '''

LESSON 3: Broken Bones

{ Cuddles is seen with a broken leg }

'''"Ah, the broken leg. The Ski Patrol's cowardly arch-enemy. Well we can fix that in a snap!" {Lumpy snaps his finger} "Uh, no pun intended."  { Lumpy picks up some sticks and a rope } "Perfect! Using sticks and some rope, you can fashion an amazingly secure splint!"'''

{ X-ray of Cuddles' broken leg } 

'''"First, arrange the sticks so they provide support above and below the injury. Now gently secure the splint with the rope by tying constrictor knots at each end. Make them nice and tight, we don't want that broken leg going anywhere." '''

{ The rope is tied too tight to Cuddles' leg, crushing his bones }

''' "Take that, broken leg! Now the patient is ready for evacuation." ' { Cuddles faints'' }

LESSON 4: Patient Evacuation

{Cuddles is tied to a gurney and lifted into the air by a helicoptor controlled by Lumpy}

"Sometimes it is necessary to get the patient off the mountain as quickly as possible. Ski Patrol candidate, remember your helicoptor training?" { Lumpy sticks up his thumb } "Great! Let's get our patient to safety!"

{ ''Cuddles is brought into a forest, where he is hit by numerous trees. Two badgers biting onto his gurney then fly off'' }

''' "Easy now, we must ensure a smooth transfer to the ambulance." ' { Cuddles sees the ambulance and sighs with relief. However, he is crashed into the ambulance, which falls off a ledge'' }

''' "Outstanding! Now that's a high we can all enjoy!" ' { The flying oxygen tank crashes into the ambulance, blowing it up. It is then buried by an avalanche'' }

LESSON 5: Chapped Lips

{Giggles is bothered by her chapped lips, Lumpy comes to help}

'''"Even though the Ski Patrol can be dangerous, not all situations are life and death. Take chapped lips for example." '''

{A stick of lip balm is shown }

"Here's what you do. STEP 1: Remove the cap. STEP 2: Twist to expose the lip balm and apply liberally. STEP 3: Check the...  { Film skips scenes, jumps to Step 36, where Giggles lays in a pool of blood } ...STEP 37: Massage the heart to stimulate the blood flow. STEP 38: In the event of two or more blood parts being lost, use blood supplies taken from the blood bank. STEP 39: Make sure you... { Film skips again to Step 127 } ...You can super-glue it back if necessary. STEP 128: Reapply the cap to the lip balm. Nobody likes dried out lip balm. There, wasn't that easy?" { ''Giggles nods, but immediately faints and dies. Her body bursts open'' }

"Well done, trainee! Congratulations! You are now the ultimate enforcer of Ski Safety! Take pride in your duty, knowing the slopes are a safer place with you on them!"

{An inflated Toothy floats toward the flag, and is then popped by the pointed end, causing his organs and skull to be impaled to the top}

"Now go out there and save some lives!"

{Lumpy salutes} THE END

Deaths

 * 1) Numerous Generic Tree Friends are flung off a ski lift to their supposed deaths.
 * 2) Petunia dies when the top part of her head is sliced off by a mountain and her tail and torso are impaled by ski sticks.
 * 3) Flaky gets wedged in a split section of a mountain, and her snowboard crushes/compresses her body.
 * 4) Two badgers possibly die when they fall from Cuddles' gurney.
 * 5) Cuddles is slammed into an ambulance, blown up by an oxygen tank, and buried in an avalanche.
 * 6) Giggles dies when her organs and some random items fly out of her torso.
 * 7) Toothy is popped when his body touches the sharp point on top of a flagpole.

Injuries

 * 1) Lumpy is crushed by his oversized backpack.
 * 2) Flaky is slammed into a cliff before being crushed by her snowboard.
 * 3) Toothy is inflated like a balloon after being administered too much oxygen and floats off.
 * 4) Lumpy is knocked unconscious by the valve of an oxygen tank.
 * 5) Cuddles' left leg is broken when he falls onto a rock (off-screen).
 * 6) Cuddles broken leg's bone is crushed by Lumpy tightening a splint too much.
 * 7) Cuddles, on a gurney, is slammed through a forest, receiving horrible cuts from the impacts.
 * 8) Cuddles is thrown into an ambulance, which then topples over, which would further add to his injuries.
 * 9) Giggles' heart is ripped out of her body, before she is stitched back up off-screen.

Goofs

 * 1) The directions of Lumpy's antlers change multiple times throughout the episode, sometimes during continuous shots.
 * 2) Oxygen tanks don't blow up if they hit something (however it may have caused the engine to blow up).
 * 3) At the beginning, Flaky was shown on skis. But later, she has a snowboard. However, she may have changed off screen.
 * 4) When fixing Cuddles' leg, Lumpy didn't have any wood that size when he held up his materials
 * 5) Toothy should've died when his body was filled up with too much oxygen. In reality, if you were administered that much oxygen, your organs would've popped.

Credits

 * Story: Kenn Navarro, Warren Graff, Ken Pontac & Jason Sadler
 * Storyboarding & Animation: Jason Sadler
 * Co-Animators: Marius Alecse, Jeff Biancalana, Aaron Blecha, Alan Lau, John Cimino, Kristen McCormick, Ted R. Pratt, Brad Rau, David Winn, Jeff Zikry
 * Executive Producer: John Evershed
 * Narrated by: Mark Giambruno
 * Special Processes: Dave Wise
 * Sound Design: Jim Lively
 * Music: Jerome Rossen
 * Special Thanks to Deborah Sadler, Billy West, Chris Grun & Michael Lipman

Trivia

 * Despite speculation, Billy West (voice of Ren and Stimpy and Futurama's Philip J. Fry) did not voice the narrator in this episode. The narrator was voiced by Mark Giambruno.
 * Some people see this episode as a parody of the classic Goofy cartoons in that this episode and classic Goofy cartoons parody instructional videos and both involve an incompetent character who continuously bumbles through the needlessly complex instructions of an unseen narrator who remains oblivious to the character's constant screw ups.
 * Petunia's death is similar to Giggles' death in Spin Fun Knowin' Ya. Though her head was cut in half instead of her body, which is similar to Pitchin' Impossible.
 * Toothy's death is similar to Cuddles' death in From Hero to Eternity.
 * When Giggles dies in Step 36 and after Step 128 (when stuff burst out of her chest), the blood that leaks out of her body comes out heart-shaped like in her Valentine Smoochie.
 * Despite Flaky's fear of heights and skiing, she seems to enjoy it in this episode.