User blog:Ralphini/One Lump or Two

Just a short little HTF fanfic I wrote. It's in the style of one of the shorts.

One Lump or Two

Starring: Lumpy

It starts with Lumpy working an office job, half-asleep and barely able to stay awake. So, he leaves his cubicle to get some coffee.

The office coffee machine is a massive mass of buttons, levers, and a massive grinder at the top. There's also a pile of coffee beans next to it. Lumpy looks confusedly at the various parts of the machine before finding what seems to be a coffee nozzle. There doesn't seem to be any lever, so Lumpy feels his hand around the nozzle for a button. However, the nozzle activates automatically and pours extremely hot coffee all over Lumpy's hand.

Lumpy yells and pulls his hand back, sending drops of the coffee flying into his eyes. He screams and grabs the jug from a nearby water cooler, pouring it into his eyes. After emptying the jug all over himself, he sighs with relief.

Turning back to the coffee machine and grumbling, he kicks it out of anger, only for a large lever to fall and hit him in the head. He's knocked to the ground, but he stands up and takes a coffee mug.

He waves the coffee cup under the nozzle, but nothing happens. Angry, Lumpy starts waving the mug wildly around the machine, only to hit a button. An even bigger lever comes down and hits Lumpy in the head, leaving a big red bloody bruise.

Furious, Lumpy tosses the mug at the machine. The mug lands directly under the nozzle, and it fills up with coffee. Lumpy smiles when he sees the cup full of coffee, and begins imediantly chugging it down, leaning back and sighing contently.

That is, until he realizes that his antler is caught in the grinder and slowly being fed through it He yells as he tries to pull it out. When he does manage to pull it out, he rips his entire antler out and takes a chunk of skull with it. He's sent stumbling back and out an open window.

Lumpy screams as he falls right onto an open manhole. Somehow, this results his his torso being forced through the manhole, while his newly severed head and limbs are left on the street.

The next day, Truffles is working in the same cubicle Lumpy was, when he starts to feel tired. He goes to the coffee machine and holds a mug underneath the nozzle. As the iris closes on the mug, the nozzle begins poured out powdered antler dust.

Moral: "Put your nose to the grindstone!"