User blog:Lumpy84/Off Into Space

What about an HTF paradody of "Alien". It stars Giggles, guest-stars The Alien (looks pretty much the same as the xenomorph alien as in the movie, and is as tall as Lumpy), and features Toothy, Lumpy, Sniffles, Mime, Handy, The Mole, Flippy, and Flaky. Mittens/Honey the cat, and possibly The Cursed Idol, appear.

The Plot is mostly like the movie, with a few minor changes. It begins as the whole crew is off exploring the foreign planet. They enter the crashed ship with all the alien sculptures and eggs (Perhaps The Idol can be seen on one of the walls or something). Toothy examines one egg, when it hatches, and the "face-hugger" form pops out and crashes through his helmet, and grabs onto his face. He screams and everyone hears him, and sees his danger. Giggles orders someone to grab him, and they all fall back to their ship, and take off. In the hospital wing of the ship, Lumpy examines the face-hugger on Toothy. He uses a scapel to cut off one of the legs, and its acidic blood drips down, melts through the ship's floor, and drips onto Sniffles who is below, dissolving most of his head and killing him. The face-hugger lets go of Toothy's head and dropps to the floor, and Toothy slowly rises, seemingly unharmed, and Lumpy gives his satisfied "Mmmmm-hmmmm".

Next scene, the crew is together having lunch, when suddenly, deep inside his body, the baby alien, or chestbuster form, begins eating at Toothy's insides, Toothy gasps, and begins sqirming in pain. Everyone grabs him and lays him out on the table, Trying to figure out wha'ts wring with him, when suddenly, the chestbuster bursts from his stomach, girggles a little, and then jumps down and slides into the ventalation system. Giggles becomes determined to get rid of this pest, and starts to think.

So, the crew decides to split up, armed with guns, and hunt all around the ship for the alien. First, Handy follows the cat into a the ship's boiler room, where he runs into the full grown alien. He tries to shoot it, but because of his amputated hands, he can't unstrap his gun and aim it, so he briefly pulls his frustrated look before the alien picks him up and devours him with its second mouth. Handy screams during this sequence. Next, Mime and The Mole are checking out the engines' deck. The latter has been ripped apart by the alien, so Mime ties a rope around his waist, and has The Mole lower him down into the deck, Mime looks around with an imaginary gun and real flashlight, and soon sees the alien coming toward him. Mime tries to yell up to The Mole to pull him up, but since he can't speak, no sound comes out. So, he tries using charades, but since Mole can't see, he still remains oblivious to Mime's danger. Finally, Mime tugs on the rope, and Mole starts pulling him up. But it's too late; The alien runs up and claws Mime to death. Then, he jumps up to get Mole. Mole thinks he successfully saved Mime, and shakes the alien's claw thinking all's well, then starts to walk away, but the alien comes up, wraps it's tail around Mole like a boa constrictor, and squeezes until Mole's head pops, and he suffers a fate similar to in A Hole Lotta Love.

Now it's Flaky and Flippy's turn. Flippy has his big gun at the ready, also possibly trying to maintain his sanity, as he and a terrorfied Flaky investigate the supplies corridor. Some movement and shadows are seen, and suddenly, the alien sneaks up on Flippy, and either decapacitates or impales him with the sharp end of its tail. Flaky stands there watching the horror show, scared to death. The alien then comes over when it is done with Flippy, and kicks her so hard, she falls back and hits a stack of steel crates, causing vibrations that causes one on top to fall down and crush her.

Giggles shouts "hello" into her communication headset, but only gets static, leaving her to assume that all her friends were killed. She begins to get scared, and decides the only thing to to is to activate the ship's self destruction sequence, and escape while she could. In the control room, when she activates it, she meets the cat again, so she puts it into its carrier, then makes a run for the escape shuttle. There could be one part where the alien is just around the corner, so she stops and waits for it to pass. She and the cat manage to get to the shuttle, and escape just before the ship explodes (Though Lumpy's fate is unknown).

She lets the cat out of it's carrier, and gives a sigh of relief, until she sees a shadow in the back, and sees that the Alien has followed her on board. She quickly straps on a space helmet, grabs a grapple gun (though she was reaching for a pistol), and opens the cargo hatch although the shuttle is still in flight. The alien begins to be sucked out, but it grabs onto the floor or wall or something. So Giggles shoot's it with the grapple gun, forcing it to let go. The alien falls out through the hatch, and is incinerated by the ship's jet engines. Giggles, however, thoguht she shot a pistol, and doesn't realize that she is still holding a grapple gun, and the rope of the gun pulls her though the hatch, and finally lets go before she suffers the alien's fate, and she is stuck drifting in space for a moment, though she is wearing a helmet, so she is alive. The cat is also sucked out, but it freezes. Giggles screams at what has befallen her cat, just before an asteroid comes and smashes her. Her blood drips onto the frozen cat, and the iris closes in on it.

END

Moral: Either of the following:
 * Give people their personal space.
 * Don't stare off into space.

Well? How does it sound?