Board Thread:General Discussion/@comment-24693225-20150206010822/@comment-12022354-20170417084729

Canoe Move That Steamboat?

Starring: Russel, Flaky

Featuring: Toothy, Cuddles, Mole, Handy, Lifty, Shifty.

Russel, Flaky, Toothy, Cuddles and Handy are going out for a day of canoeing in the river. Handy tries to reach for his double sided canoe oar, but can't due to his lack of hands. Flaky is also quite scared of the water, seeing sharks in the distance which are staring her down. But she gets in the canoe anyway, shivering. The Mole removes the rope from each post the canoes are tied to, and they all set sail except for Handy, who is stuck on shore, still trying to pick up his oar.

Flaky starts to drift from the rest of the group, and she starts getting hunted down by sharks, similar to how she was hunted by Sharks in "Wipe Out!" She paddles desperately towards a sailing yacht in the distance operated by Disco Bear, and manages to jump on his boat right before her canoe gets eaten. She sighs in relief, and Disco Bear, steering the yacht, sees her, and turns around quickly to seduce her, accidently knocking the steering wheel in the process, causing it to turn sharply. The sudden movement of the yacht causes the boom to swing around and decapitate both Flaky and Disco Bear.

We go back to Russell, Toothy and Cuddles, who are canoeing in a line. Behind them, in the distance is a steamboat. Lifty and Shifty spot them and get an idea. They both sneak into the control room where the Steamboat is being operated by a sleeping Lumpy. As the Steamboat sails past them, Lifty takes the wheel and steers it sharply to the right so that the boat is in right in front of them. This creates heavy waves that knock Russell, Toothy and Cuddles back towards jagged rocks. Russell manages to control his canoe and Toothy jumps out of his to avoid hitting the rocks, but Cuddles is knocked off his canoe when it hits the jagged rocks and his body is impaled on them. Toothy, thinking he is safe, sighs in relief, but is suddenly lifted up by the legs by the steamboats paddlewheels and is cut in half at the waist when the paddlewheels spin past the boat.

Russell, observing Toothy's demise, tries to avoid this, but he is getting sucked towards the paddlewheels. He tries to jam his oar in them to stop it from spinning, but instead it launches it in the air. The oar falls down horizontally, where the blade on each side of the oar lands and slices through Lifty and Shifty's heads, killing both of them. Their lifeless bodies still stumble around, and the passengers of the boat mistake their deaths as a setup of a limbo game, and they start playing limbo with the oar thats impaled through both of their heads.

Russell, who is still trying to not get sucked into the paddlewheels, prays as he closes in on them, but instead of getting sucked into them, he gets pushed backwards as the paddlewheels hit the tip of his canoe. He gets pushed backwards very quickly and the canoe bolts across the ocean. He exclaims "Yarr!!!" as he celebrates his survival, only for the canoe to sail towards a jetty that he gets crushed under, the same jetty he originally set sail on. The canoe emerges from underneath the jetty, and all you see is Russells legs in the canoe.

The Mole hears Russell arriving, and he reaches for the rope on his canoe so he can anchor  it on a post. He mistakes Handy's head for a post, who is still trying to reach for his oar, and The Mole wraps the rope around his neck. The canoe drifts outwards and it drags him off the jetty and into the ocean, where he drowns because his lack of hands prevent him from swimming to the surface. Iris closes in on Handy's lifeless body.

Deaths:

1. Flaky and Disco Bear are decapitated by a swinging yacht boom.

2. Cuddles' body is impaled on a series of jagged rocks.

3. Toothy is cut in half when he is crushed between a steamboat and its paddlewheels.

4. Lifty and Shifty's heads are impaled by the blades of an oar.

5. Russell is crushed underneath a jetty, where he loses half of his body.

6. Handy drowns when he falls into the ocean.