Talk:Lumpy/@comment-26242274-20151223213058/@comment-26242274-20151223215920

Well, it is mentioned that it's obvious that Sniffles typed up the actual letter, Lumpy just told him the general idea of what to write. The letter was pretty awesome though:

Petunia,

Congratulations on the success of your cleaning service!

However, there were some anonymous complaints from a few of your customers that your methods of cleaning and scrubbing were in violation of various health codes.

Of course, I believe that such things were baseless. I believe you have followed all the laws and regulations. Thus, I cannot imagine that your business would be shut down and you would be arrested for such violations!

I'm going to send in some inspectors, in my capacity as Public Health Officer, to see the basis of such complaints. Oh, don't worry, I'm sure you're innocent and they won't find anything illegal.

Of course, it my decision whether or not to shut you down but I think that would be unnecessary.

Now, on a completely unrelated note, I need a favor of you.

It has come to my attention that you've hired Flaky as one of your cleaners. As you know, Flippy has been hired as deputy manager of my museum. He works eight to five. Thus, he cannot attend to the manner of his house. I want Flaky there seven-thirty to six, Monday to Saturday. The house must be spic and span, she must be totally obedient to Flippy in all regards to his home and household. The rest of the details I leave to you.

Oh! By the way, whatever revenues Flaky gets for cleaning Flippy's house, a quarter should go to me. I expect a detailed accounting of the money brought in from Flaky's service at Flippy's house.

Sincerely,

Dr. Lumpy, Chief Health Officer, Chief of Police, Head Surgeon, Head of Hospital, Manager of Museum, etc.

You know, not blackmail at all. XD